he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis