You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.