Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."