Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.