I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.