Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
