This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
