Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
