My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
