she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
