fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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