if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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