id be glad to
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
