I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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