And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
