When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
