If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
