im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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