It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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