i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
