no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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