4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
