he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
