All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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