I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
