So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
