this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
