I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
