do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
