i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
is it fun? or sober?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
