i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
