Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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