8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
