I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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