I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
