It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
