If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
