Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
