U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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