if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
