Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
