He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I faked an abortion last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
