I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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