cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
