Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
