When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
