Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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