when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
we're so committed to being not committed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
