i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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