Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My bed smells like the plague
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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