We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
