LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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