can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
