i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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