i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
