I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
