It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
