You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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