There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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