He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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