I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
