Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
