hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
