going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So vagazzling was a success
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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