So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
