Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
