why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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