you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
MIDGETS
????
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
