apparently the secret to your success is patron
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
