the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
