now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
