PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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