god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
