umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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