drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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