Don't you send me to vm
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
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woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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